change and trust

Someone said to me today that they were happy for me with my recent job changes. I laughed and candidly said, “There has certainly been a lot of change. I sometimes wonder if my life will ever have a sense of normalcy.”

I told someone else last week, as I waited to hear about whether I would get the job that I was applying for, that I was just so scared to take a part time job and not know where the rest of my income would come from. We talked through the fact that the only thing I can really be sure of in the future is that God will be there, and he will never leave me or forsake me because I am his child. I could sign a contract for a full time teaching position, or become doctor with a full time salary, and God would still be the only thing that would be certain. That job could fall to pieces or I could get sick or injured at any moment. I keep trying to type the words “I’m learning to trust my Father” but I don’t know if I fully understand what I’m saying. I’m learning to trust him in a completely new way, and it’s terrifying.

I’ve been handed an incredible part time job. It’s so me. I get to teach preschool 4 days/week and teach art on the off day. I mean, the preschool part was the dream job. The art addition is like beyond my wildest dreams. The art job is lagniappe. And they ASKED me to do it. I love art, and I’ve always wished that I had gone through some sort of formal art study, but I’ve just played with it, really. And now I’m getting to learn from the school’s full time art teacher who will supply me with her lesson plans and let me have fun with facilitating them. YES! Learning to trust…terrifying and exciting at the same time.

With all of this goodness, there’s still fear. My neighbor’s little boy is 3, and he’s one of my favorite people. We were on the playground a couple of weeks ago, and he told me he was a little bit scared to climb up a ladder. I told him that it is okay to be scared, and that he can be scared and brave at the same time. Being brave doesn’t mean to suck it up and pretend you’ve got it all together. Bravery is when sometimes you are terrified and you do it anyway. That’s incredible courage. Sometimes bravery is when you are terrified and you decide not to do it. Because sometimes it takes a LOT of courage to look at everyone around you and their expectations and say, “Nope, that’s not what I want. That’s not who I am. That’s not what I’m doing and that’s not what I’m going to do.” For me, that takes a lot of courage.

Earlier this spring, when I left my job as a nanny and began applying for other jobs, my prayer was that God would not let me leave me behind when I went to the figurative “tables” in these situations. I prayed that he would remind me that he wants ME at the table, and that I would not get so caught up in what I thought others wanted or expected me to be that I would somehow morph into that and leave me behind. And he’s doing that. Slowly I’m learning to not sneak into rooms and try to go unnoticed, to remember who I am when I walk up to a group of people instead of thinking about what they think of me, to close doors with a normal amount of noise and let people know I’m there, to not be so caught up in what I think I look like in the other person’s eyes that I can’t even realize what I am seeing out of my eyes. Oh, God, let my brain register what my eyes are seeing. Let me take that in.

KK

 

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dancing

I just saw the caption that a friend wrote next to a photo of her with her 2 year old daughter. The caption says, “She’s too busy dancing to look at the camera. I’m okay with that.” That sentence is POW.ER.FUL.

This week I have to do something hard. I am applying for teaching jobs and am teaching for observation this week. I’ll be observed teaching for the first time in 4 years…and I’ll be teaching a classroom of kids that I don’t know. I’ve been nervous about it, excited, and unsure of what to expect. That quote, though…it’s inspirational. I want to live my life too busy dancing to look at the camera. If you look at the camera, you automatically try to think about how the camera sees you. If you are too busy dancing, the camera sees you in your element. It captures real life. When I teach, I want to be so present with the kids that I don’t notice the observers in the room, that I don’t notice the camera. I want to be that present in life.

kk & hannah banana

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daring greatly.

If you come into Crate & Barrel and I end up helping you, you are going to get a conversation. Most likely. Unless I can tell that you really don’t want to talk. Like if you keep your sunglasses on the whole time that you are in the store and remain on your cell phone. But I LOVE talking to customers who are willing to talk. I’m so curious about their stories.

A woman came in to Crate & Barrel this past week to buy some new placemats and napkins, and I struck up a conversation with her as I rang up her items. She had an accent that I could not place. I found out she was having a dinner party but did not know what she was cooking yet. I asked her if she liked to cook, and she said, “Oh yes!” That told me that I did not need to give her any recipe suggestions…she clearly has more experience with these things than I do. I kept talking, telling her that I used to like to cook, but just haven’t lately. She at me quizzically and asked me why. I told her I was just so tired of cooking for myself, that it was so much easier to stand at the counter and eat chips and salsa and maybe some cheese than to sit down. I asked her if she cooked and sat down at the table even if it was just her. She very emphatically said, “Oh yes! I am French! It is a time of rest!” I told her that I had loved learning about French culture in high school and college…how they took time out of their days to really linger over the table. She took the opportunity to advise me…and told me that I needed to start small…but with a big plate. She said to get some fresh lettuce and a few vegetables and make a beautiful salad. To sprinkle on some cheese and add some meat. And be sure to put it on a big plate. Even if you use smaller portions, put them on a big plate. The plates are part of the beauty. Get a placemat and sit down at the table, she said. She’s going to be coming back to give me more tidbits of advice every once in a while. At least that’s what I suggested she do.

So, today, I began. This is me daring greatly. I cooked my own steak for the very first time ever.

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May first?! on young living essential oils

I knew it was late, so I checked my phone and realized that it is almost 1 a.m. Then I saw on my phone’s calendar that it is May 1. I have no idea how that happened. May 1?! I’m really thankful but I think I’m getting old because I’m starting to feel like time is flying.

Life for me over the past 6 weeks has been One Huge Adjustment. I got a retail job, jumped back into substitute teaching (which I LOVE), started thrifting and eBay selling, and became what my friend [affectionately] calls an “Oily Person.” I joined Young Living Essential Oils.

After hearing a few people talk a lot about how they were integrating essential oil use into their daily lives, I decided to look into it a little bit more, really out of curiosity. What piqued my interest initially was how one friend has begun making her own shampoo, conditioner, and lotion and has added the essential oils to the mix. I have always had really sensitive skin, and only the gentlest products work, and if I try something new, it is really always a bust. My scalp will get irritated and suddenly I’ll have dandruff, my face will get red and splotchy and the eczema that I’ve kept at bay for so long will pop up. I’ve recently been using Trader Joe’s Tea Tree Oil body wash (as my shampoo) and their conditioner. It has worked, but my hair has still been pretty dry.

So I’ve been putting off the desire to make my own shampoo & conditioner, but ordered some oils and did it. My scalp has been nearly flakeless, and my hair is growing faster. It has a natural softness to it that it hasn’t had with any shampoos that I can remember.

Now. The face lotion is a BIG deal. I’ve used Burt’s Bees lotion for a while on my face, but every time I buy a new bottle of it, I cringe because they’ve changed the ingredients before and I’m scared that they’ve done it again. Also, every bottle of the face lotion is almost $20. And I hate the thought that I’m putting a lotion on my face that has a huge list of ingredients that I don’t recognize. So, with my Young Living oils, I have been using a drop of Lavender and a drop of Peace & Calming mixed in my palm with 8 drops of olive oil (I bought cold pressed olive oil and a dropper from Whole Foods), rubbing my palms together to mix it up, and putting that on my face. It has worked incredibly, and calmed down a recent eczema outbreak. The olive oil does not make my skin too oily. I think the right pH balance with the oil actually keeps my skin from getting dry or oily. It’s a strange balance.

I have also been using PanAway mixed with olive oil to soothe muscle aches on my shoulders and neck, and sometimes I diffuse Lavender and Peace & Calming at night. Even if nothing was working cosmetically or medicinally, the pro would be that my body and house smell REALLY good…without toxic chemicals that can be found in candles and cleaning products.

I would love to tell YOU about essential oils. Becoming a member means that you have the opportunity to buy products at a discounted price, and also sell products to others. But you never ever HAVE to sell. The selling part is only if you want to. And I want to. Because I believe that the products work and I’m in the midst of a career change. (Shameless plug.)

If you are interested in trying some of the oils, click here. You can click retail customer or wholesale customer, but I’d go with wholesale and get the discount if I were you. Or if you are interested in just trying a couple of the products, talk to me. Kiersteneh@gmail.com.

Carry on.

-KK